Time Well Spent
by Sarah-elf princess
Summary: 5 years after the death of his father, John Sheppard returns to Earth to bury his brother, but a lot can change over 5 fives.


Time Well Spent

Original Publish Date: February 5, 2008

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from SGA, any rights or anything else that belongs to them.

Warnings: Outcast.

Complete.

Author's Notes: So. It's been a while since I've dabbled in Atlantis. A long while. 4 years long while. It's GOOD to be back :)

------

John brushed his fingers lightly over the cherry wood casket. The glow of the sun lit the room in soft light. A careless breeze drifted through the open French doors and the white gauze curtains fluttered. It was beautiful. It was perfect. It was everything his father had raised his two sons to be. It was everything his brother had been that he had not.

_Only five years._ John chocked backed the tightening in his throat. _It's just not right. _Fair was not a word he knew, but right was. It was not right that just five years after his father was buried he would be forced to bury his brother as well.

His breathing quickened and he hastily gasped for breath, trying to contain the tears that threatened to flow. He stretched his fingers over the casket, as if somehow he could return the life that had been taken.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." John whispered into the solid wood. Without warning his knees gave out and as he knelt, his forehead came to rest next to the flowers that were cascading over the smooth wood. John took a deep breath, breathing in the relaxing scent of perfectly manicured wild flowers.

"I'm sorry," he began again, eyes closed and fingers trembling, "I should have been there. It should have been different after father's death." His words came quick and short. The sounds of laughter drifted in from the front lawn. He knew that the people who had come to support him were out there somewhere, laughing and celebrating in the memory of his brother, but that did little to comfort him now. "I should have come back. I should have been there at the death of your daughter and son-in-law. I should have come back when you offered to take me to the Outback. I should have done more than the periodic visits."

"John?"

John wiped his eyes quickly and turned to look up at his wife. "Teyla," he breathed, breathless in the confession and the realization of what he had truly lost, but all his focus was on his wife. She was beautiful there in the setting sun. She was even more ethereal 6 months pregnant and with their son Jayden on her hip, his blond head resting on her shoulder and his hands grasping her suit jacket. John knew that the soft rise and fall of his chest meant that he slept deeply.

"Oh, John." Teyla looked torn between joining him on the floor and remaining standing, to keep Jayden asleep.

"Stay. I'll be fine," John said, "Keep him asleep, that's more important."

Teyla allowed a faint smile to trace her lips but there was deep sorrow in her eyes, "No, John. Now it is you who are mourning and you are my husband."

She turned as quickly and silently as she had come, not making a sound on the cold marble floor. John could see her pass off the sleeping child to Nancy. He wanted to object, but Nancy did not seem to mind, taking the child without complaint and passing a worried glance in his direction. Jayden shifted and began to fuss, but Nancy was already rocking him, muttering words that John couldn't make out.

"Come here, love," Teyla whispered, pulling his attention from his ex-wife and cradling him in her arms. Shivers ran down his body as he tried to fight the tears that threatened him again. _Why? Why now? Just as it was becoming something._ It had taken John and Dave years to rebuild what their childhood had destroyed. Their bond as brothers had taken three decades to develop, but for the first time John had felt connected to what remained of his family. His body began to shake and Teyla hugged him tighter, wrapping her arms around him, pulling his head to her shoulder and rocking him gently, much like he would do with Jayden when he woke, frantic with night terrors.

She whispered many things to him, none of which mattered or that he fully understood, but it was the sound that John held to as he sobbed into her. For the first time he cried over a member of his family, for the first time he had allowed his shields down and his brother's unexpected death was tearing the life out of him.

It had already been a rough night, the night he found out, three days ago. Jayden had woken restless with dreams, as he often did, but this time his night terrors were the Wraith. Even at his young two years of age, he had known the Wraith. He had felt their cold hands and dreamed about them often, using words that neither Teyla nor John knew. That night he had woken screaming, clutching at the faint scar on his chest. John jumped awake at the first scream and flew to Jayden's crib, pulling the toddler close to him, cuddling him gently in his arms as he sat on the floor. Teyla had been suffering from intense back pain and had gone to sleep early with a migraine. John did not want the baby to wake her. Her own tossing and turning and cries in her sleep had finally just stopped.

"Shhhhh, buddy, it's alright. You're safe. Nothing will hurt you. Daddy's here." John whispered into blond hair. "Daddy's here. Don't cry, Jayden, Daddy's here."

"Daddy?" Brown eyes, red with tears, were filled with fear and John reached out to wipe the wetness of Jayden's cheeks.

"Daddy's here, buddy."

"Scary." Jayden mumbled as he thrust his head deeper into John's chest. Teyla did the same thing when she was frightened from her own nightmares.

"What's scary?"

"Wraiths," Jayden cried, slurring the last three letters, "Wraiths everywhere. Eating"

John could feel the rage grown within him. What two year old child should have to know what a Wraith eating meant? He hugged Jayden closer. "Nothing can hurt you here, buddy. Remember, you're safe on Atlantis. You're always safe on Atlantis."

"Lantis good."

"Yeah." John agreed, but as much as he tried to comfort his son, he knew that Atlantis truly was no safer than anywhere else in the galaxy. They've had to move planets four times in the past five years, twice in the past six months. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when his family grew with one more. What was going to happen when he could not keep them safe? He almost lost Jayden once before and the child bore the scars for that. What if he actually lost a child? Or his wife?

"Dad?" John's head snapped up to see five year old Kael standing in the doorway to his room. He was the very image of his mother, but he had long ago declared that he was going to be just like his father when he was older, a puddle jumper pilot. They still hadn't told him of his long missing biological father and as far as Kael was knew, John was his father.

"It's okay, Kael. Jayden it just having trouble sleeping again."

Kael stepped forward lightly, kissed his brother on the forehead and sat crossed legged on the ground, mirroring John. "I'm having trouble sleeping, too."

John raised an eyebrow. It wasn't usual for Kael to have dreams. "Oh?"

"Yeah." He sighed and frowned, as Teyla put it, his 'John' face. "I'm worried about the new baby."

John hid a smile. Kael had taken to Jayden and had loved him from the moment he saw him, but this time Teyla was pregnant with a girl and Kael had often expressed that he had no idea what to do with a girl. He, as he had adamantly put it, did not know anything about being pretty or dolls or any of that girly stuff.

"What's bothering you?" John questioned, knowing full well.

"I'm worried about Mommy having a girl." Kael scooted forward, close enough that John could put his arm around him. It wasn't a hug, Kael was much too old to accept hugs, but it was contact and John knew that he needed it. "I'm worried about being able to protect her."

_That_ was new. "Why would you need to protect her?"

Kael's frown deepened. "I don't want her to have to worry. You won't always be there Dad and I don't want anything to happen to her. The Wraith wont care that she's a girl."

John shifted him so that they could look eye to eye. Jayden fidgeted in his lap and threatened to wake. John absentmindedly stroked his head as he addressed Kael. "I don't think you need to worry. Your sister will be able to defend herself. Mommy can, right?" Kael nodded, leaning on every word. "There will always be Mommy and me, but if anything should happen there's Dr. McKay, Ronan, Dr. Keller, Dr. Carter, and everyone else who will make sure that nothing will happen to you."

"Promise?" Kael whispered.

"Promise." John answered, pulling the lanky boy in closer. Within minutes, John's two sons were asleep on top of him, their breathing slow and steady, knowing they were safe.

"John." Teyla looked down at him, concerned. She looked exhausted with circles under her eyes and her hair brushy and uncontained. "Is everything alright?"

"Just some nightmares and some baby-mares," John replied, handing her Jayden and picking up Kael to put him to bed. Teyla placed the baby in his crib and turned back to her husband who was returning from the second room, "What are baby-mares, John?"

John grinned at her and put his arm around her shoulders, leading them back to their bed, "It seems as though Kael has already inherited his father's protective nature."

"And he's having nightmares about babies?" She replied, a smile playing on her face. "Just like his father."

"Oh, now that hurts." John mocked grabbed his heart, "Jayden was a surprise. This little one, an even more unexpected surprise." He patted her showing bulge. "You know me, I would love four, five, six of them running all around, getting into everything. Breaking everything."

Teyla laughed and climbed into bed, "Yes, John, the sheppard of the children."

"Puns are not allowed after seven p.m." Her gentle laughter carried him to sleep, where dreams of Wraiths eating small children plagued him.

It was mere hours later when the knock came. The doorbell chimed quietly into their room and John sat straight up, riffling his fingers through his hair, debating if he should just ignore it. Anything requiring immediate attention would come through his comm. As his head hit the pillow, the door chimed again. Teyla shifted and mumbled in his sleep and he could see Jayden toss in his crib.

_This better be damn good_, John thought as he shifted toward the door. It opened to reveal a very solemn Sam Carter.

"Sam. What's going on?"

She did not miss a beat. No sorry to wake you or something's happened. "Your brother was in a car accident. He's in critical condition in the hospital. There's a chance he might not make it."

John froze; his mind numb and his body unable to move. He stood there, blocking the doorway, wrapping his mind around it. _Dave in a car accident. Critical condition. Might not make it._

"John?" Sam took a step forward and saw Teyla walking over from the blanket strewn bed.

She came up behind him, her hand softly touching his back. "How soon can John leave?"

Sam shifted her gaze to Teyla, "As soon as he's ready."

John turned to his wife and tried to say something, but stopped. He didn't need to ask, the look in her eyes was enough. He turned back to Sam, "Give me fifteen minutes and I'll be in the gateroom."

Fourteen and half minutes later he was through the gate. An hour later he was in the hospital. Five minutes later Dave died in surgery, never knowing that his brother had crossed a galaxy to see him once more.

The funeral plans had been well laid out in the will and there was little for John to do but wander the property, silent and alone, missing the sounds of his kids and wishing for Teyla to be there. For three days he retraced his childhood steps, reacquainting himself with his favorite hiding places, the creek running through the woods, the castles and forts where he had banished evil doers, the small meadows where he would sleep. Sometimes he went on foot, sometimes riding on of the many horses on the property. The acres stretched on and will every foot placed between him and the house, he realized just how much he never actually like this house, but it was his now. His and Teyla's.

The will had been exceptionally clear. Dave left everything to his errant little brother. The Sheppard estate, the fortune, the properties, the houses, the land, everything. If John had wanted to he could leave Atlantis forever, raise his kids in peace and give Teyla the life she deserved. He spent hours debating if it was right to take Kael and Jayden away from the only family they knew and to ask Teyla to abandon the search for her people, long since believed to be dead. Could he really take his family from a life that they knew into a world that he wasn't even sure how to survive in?

"Mom? Dad?" John sat straight up and Teyla stiffened as well. Kael looked at them both. "I'm hungry."

"Why do you not go eat?" Teyla asked. John took her arm and helped her to her feet.

"Ronan won't let me." Kael stood impatiently, arms crossed, waiting for his parents to join him. "He says that I eat too much."

"Ronan said you eat too much?" John asked, ruffling the boy's hair as he past.

"He also said that if I don't stop eating, I won't stop growing. He's worried I'll be bigger than him."

Teyla raised an eyebrow, "I do not think that that will become a problem. Run and eat. Tell Ronan he will deal with me later."

Kael grinned and ran off toward the buffet table, catching Ronan in the side as he did. The boy was going to get it one day, John mused, glad to know that the death of his uncle had not fazed the boy at all.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Jayden squirmed out of Nancy's arms from across the lawn and ran as fast as his little legs to take him, John swept him up and threw him into the arm, Jayden squealed with joy.

John grinned and tickled the child till he cried, "Stop! Stop Daddy! Stop!"

Jayden climbed out of John's grasp and reached over to Teyla, "Mommy!"

Teyla took him gracefully and swung him gently, but Jayden was too hyper to stay for long. He soon pulled away and took off across the lawn, tackling his big brother and the two went down with Ronan as a faithful score keeper.

John pressed a kiss to Teyla's forehead. "It's going to be alright."

"Yes. It is already alright." Teyla looked up at him, "but I am ready to return home."

"So am I."

-------


End file.
